Aslan

written by kendall payne

Don’t stop your crying on my account
A frightening lion, no doubt
He’s not safe no, he’s not safe
Are you tempted now to run away?
The King above all kings is coming down

But he won’t say the words you wish that he would
Oh he don’t do the deeds you know that he could
He won’t think the thoughts you think that he should
But He is good, He is good.

I know you’re thirsty the water is free
But I should warn you- it’ costs everything
Well, he’s not fair no, he’s not fair
When he fixes what’s beyond repair
And graces everyone that don’t deserve

No-one knows him whom eyes never seen
No, I don’t know him but he knows me
He knows me. He knows me.

Lay down your layers, shed off your skin
But without his incision you can’t enter in
He cuts deep, yeah he cuts deep
When the risk is great and the talk is cheap
But never leaves a wounded one behind

covered

skating under the lights of the city on cool ice

laying on my back in the middle of the rink and despite the light from chicago
seeing stars straight above

tilting my head back so that i can see the skyline upside down behind me

smoke billowing out of a nearby building
wisping into the black night, disappearing into nothingness

the crunch of snow

beautiful


this morning
sitting in my room as i look out over the white covered land
reflecting on my failings
weaknesses
selfishness
pride

and despite that which distracts
or tries to stifle
and kill

to always see His marvelous grace
covering me as the snow covers the ground

...but not so temporary

my sandals are still stiff

sometimes it seems as though things are being put together

"t's" are being crossed
and an abstract idea suddenly becomes tangible
and that thing that we have been longing for
is suddenly right in front of us

and that is when the fear begins to rise

my knees begin to shake


because it was so much easier to talk about this

dream about this

pray about this

and when it seems as though something could become reality
i want to shrink back
don't want to get hurt

don't want it to fail



don't want myself to fail

and yet when we look to the ONE whose plan and purpose is unfathomable
i begin to decrease
my issues, reservations,

and on the other side my dreams and ambitions

to let all of those go
and to tie on my still stiff sandals

and break them in by following Him

fall

walking down the street
crisp, cool, fall day
pulling my jacket a little tighter around me to keep out wisps of fall air
breathing in deep
leaves changing from green to vibrant yellow
cushioning the cold sidewalk as they fall down
circling in the air as cars drive by
as i walk by

clearing my mind
stilling my heart
trusting in His promises

and yes, this is but a season
one that signifies pain

death

the coming of winter

but beauty lurks behind this facade
indeed, a beauty that goes into the very depths of the earth
and into the quiet plainness of those slowly emptying branches
as the process begins, bright colors invade the landscape

then turn to brown, falling to the earth
dry,
broken
crushed by any passerby

but rather than allow this fact to push to despair
i see behind this facade of finality
and i know that in those branches lurks a laughter
a joy

that this is not the end,
but merely a beginning
a time to reflect
to hold fast
and to prepare for the LIFE that is still there

just sleeping...
waiting...
trusting...
hoping... certainly. surely. confidently.

yesterday i went with some friends who were working on a project for class. they had to interview a diverse group of people on the street, and ask them questions relating to thier views of God, Jesus, the Church...
i brought along my video camera and tried to capture what it was that people are thinking...
the questions made many uncomfortable-one woman agreed to answer the questions, then when we asked "what is your view of God?" she simply stated "i don't want to talk about that" and brushed past us.
some stated the sunday school answer of who Jesus is
some rejected any notion of Him being more than a mere man
some seemed as though they were pondering... views with a mix of scripture, eastern religions,
monastic buddhism...
some had appeared to have never thought about any of this before

and i am challenged...challenged because this amazing place i live in is surrounded by people who have no idea who Jesus Christ truely is
i am made more aware of the diminishing of the notion of Truth
i am burdened and excited about the responsibility of proclaiming that Truth
and utterly dependent on Him to work out His purposes to advance His kingdom of which i have the privelage to play a part...

acts 4
the priests, captain of the temple, sadducees...they realize that this "Jesus thing" hasn't blown over as they had hoped. crucifying a man should have taken care of that, right? now, greatly annoyed that Jesus is still being proclaimed as rising from the dead, and also that a lame man has been undeniably healed, they arrest peter and john...5,000 people believe. the two apostles are questioned "by what power did you do this?"
peter and john are RELENTLESS in thier proclamation of Truth. peter speaks up, the one who had once denied Christ near the same ground, filled with the Holy Spirit, proclaims that the man was healed by the name of JESUS CHRIST...

talk about boldness

that which the rulers had tried to stifle
is spreading like wildfire/out of control
peter continutes.."there is salvation in NO ONE ELSE"
the rulers saw thier boldness, and were astonished that these common, uneducated men were speaking with such boldness, clarity, authority...

they recognized that the apostles had been with Jesus...and commanded them to not speak this to anyone
thier response?

WE CANNOT HELP BUT SPEAK OF WHAT WE HAVE SEEN AND HEARD.

2:44 am

it is early, early in the morning...and i am still awake
and expect to be for the next hour or so
why? you may ask...
well...i am working on a project
up in an editing suite
and i'm in the "zone"
so rather than go to bed and finish it later
i have decided to pretty much get it done tonight
i'm pretty excited about it
but am not making much rational sense
so hopefully it will turn out
no one really ever reads my blog...so i can write at 2 in the morning
and not very many will read
i haven't had contact with another human being in a few hours...
thank you krystle, hannah, and bethany for keeping me company for a little bit
tomorrow i told my floor i would make pancakes..
i don't have any pancake mix

maybe i can get some in the morning...
i turned 21 yesterday (actually-now that it is the 2nd, 2 days ago)
i didn't feel older yesterday
but i feel older today

the reason i am writing in my blog is because i am waiting for my files to render..
basically another copy of the file is made and filed away somewhere on my computer...
so..i have about 23 minutes left before i can do anything else
i'm getting kind of sleepy

i don't even know if i will actually post this, or if i am just bored...should have brought some homework.

maybe i can figure out how to compress my project when i'm done and then post it on this blog so people can see it...
that would be pretty cool....
you can check out some cool projects that moody students have done on archtvonline.com
i don't have anything up there yet, but i hopefully will this semester
i am taking a video editing class and single camera production
yay...
i am also taking systematic theology II which i love
and oral interpretation
and trying to finish my philosophy course (never do an independent study unless you are very self-motivated) before november...

17 minutes...
hmmm
i probably should have waited to do this a different day. i would call someone, but no one is awake...
it is a little creepy up here in this building...cause no one else is here...but i have a cell phone...
thankfully we have a long week-end..so i plan on sleeping tomorrow, getting ahead on homework...
some friends are taking me out for my birthday
pretty excited
16 minutes
if you are actually reading this entire blog...you should post a comment
who knows...
maybe you are editing a video project as well
waiting for it to render
Note to self:
(so this doesn't happen again...and by "this" i mean being alone in an empty building at 3 am waiting for your project to render..with nothing to do)

always bring a friend
always bring food
bring a pillow just in case you get tired
bring homework or reading or something
bring a sweatshirt or blanket (it is a little chilly)
coffee is also a good thing
set limits on amount of time in editing suite...there are no windows...if it weren't for the clock on the computer monitor, i could have been here for days and not even known...

2 minutes...nope, just kidding...it said 2 minutes and then went back up to 3 minutes
my stomach is growling

maybe i should have eaten that brownie bethany brought me
to late now...krsytle...

i went with some friends to my fav coffee shop earlier to work on brainstorming for a different video project...it was quite fun

this is sad when typing on a blog can be one's source of companionship
i really feel better.

still 3 minutes...the longest 3 minutes EVER
3 minutes later...still 3 minutes...

well-i don't have anything important to say...sorry for the shallow/rambling post

good morning

a street i drove down almost every day...63rd and King Dr.

home sweet home

it is amazing how something that was once so intimidating
overwhelming
BIG
has become something
comforting
home
small

a beautiful city

driving here a few weeks ago (wow, has it been that long already?)
i could barely contain my excitement in returning back to this place
this school
these people

looking back over the past several years
i am amazed
how HE has brought me from fear to faith
to take a leap, jump into something seemingly impossible for where i was

and yet HE has brought me to a place where what was seemingly impossible
is the only thing possible

i amazed that HE can take such brokenness
such insecurity
such fear
and make something beautiful

what once dwelled in dark despair
bondage
a prison cell
has been redeemed
into the bright rays of the morning sun

to be able to share in this great story
is a joy and thrill that i hope i never loose sight of
as i stand on the bright light of day
exposed
my selfishness
my pride

still loved...

i hope i will
have to walk barefoot because of my worn out shoes
i hope i will wear no coat because i have given away two
that both sides of my face will bear scars of abuse
that i will have washed the feet of the wealthy, the poor, and everyone inbetween
that my hands will be calloused, my fingernails dirty, my muscles sore
my heart full of perfect Love
a strength from above
that my first thought would be for others, and not myself

brokenness

that my life would be spent on that which is worthy

that i would continue to go wherever HE says
no matter what
no matter when
no matter how

no matter the impossibilities...

another chapter finished

today was my last day of the internship/job. this last week was a whirlwind of basketballs, NBA, kids, and a gym that was 120 degrees... and still the kids came...i sat down and did registration in the somewhat air conditioned first floor.
no serious injuries
building relationships within the community
a chance to do something for the second time, and still surprised that i, mary, who has never played basketball, really cared about basketball, and had never heard of the NBA people at the camp, i was helping coordinate this thing for the second time-

one of the biggest requirements of following Christ is

a willingness to do anything.

now that the summer is drawing to a close, i am trying to collect my thoughts, process, refresh, and start going into ra mode...
i'm not gonna lie
i'm tired
i'm leaving chicago tomorrow
to go to michigan
to pack my stuff
and then am returning to moody the next day.
to unpack
get prepared for the fall,
and hopefully catch up on some sleep-and to spend some time in silence-just being with my Creator. i'm also producing a movie, and that needs to start taking shape as well.

in the midst of everything it is so easy to loose sight of that which is the purpose for being in the midst of everything. (does that make sense?)

what does it mean to surrender?
to serve
to give up my rights
my hopes
my dreams
my expectations
to follow
a reckless abandon
and to realize that those hopes,
dreams,
expectations
where not the point
but were meant to draw me closer to my Creator
to be used by me in an act of worship

i have approached this the wrong way so much
i have desired my self over God's glory
but i want Him to be my motivation

and as i surrender to His leading
fulfilled even in the midst of trial, pain, and joy
to know that i am realizing my purpose
as i fall more and more into a love and knowledge of my Savior

i have been in chicago the past two weeks, the first week preparing to co-lead an internship program, the second week actually doing it
and i have been humbled
i have been challenged
encouraged,
and i feel like i am learning so much

God is healing me in ways i didn't know needed healing
He is teaching me things i didn't think i needed to know (or never thought about)
He is so good

working at kids' club in cabrini
markers, poster board...the Jesus family reunion for sidewalk sunday school
marker stains on my hands
prayer
opening the gates of our house in Englewood
30 kids showing up, playing ball, swinging, braiding my hair
double-dutch
watching movies on two mattresses that have become our couch
sleeping on the floor
construction work/demolition work at the new Sunshine building on 61st Street
Lawndale
guitar
early mornings
late nights
naps
getting lost in milwaukee
again
and again
and again
and passing our exit for the 3rd time
mario bros super nintendo
dinners
sore muscles
registrations for sport's camps
time in the word (the gospel of John is AMAZING)
falling more in love with my Savior

the toilet keeps leaking...

it is 2am and i am still awake.
don't get me wrong.
i would love to be asleep
but dad and i are in the process of putting in a new toilet
how then, do you ask, am i typing on my blog?
because i am the designated water turner onner, shutter offer
yup
and because it is 2am and others are sleeping
there can be no yelling
so that means this is what happnes:
dad tells me to turn the water on
i run down from the second floor
through the living room, dining room, and kitchen
down the basement stairs
around the corner
and turn on the water valve
i then run up the basement stairs
through the kitchen, dinign room, and living room
up the stairs to the second floor
and see if i need to run back down and turn the water off (dad is usually found holding towel and buckets underneath leak, so i have to run back down to turn the water off so the whole room is not flooded...)
now, i have done this probably 7 or 8 times by now
and because it is 2am my coordination is a little off
so it is becoming a little more challenging
i never thought putting a toilet in would be so difficult

it all started when my brother and i decided to redo the bathroom
and the toilet kept leaking
and then i was dowstairs earlier today
and heard water running upstairs...
but no one was upstairs
so i ran up and the holdind tank had randomly cracked adn water was going everywhere

that is why i am up at 2am "helping" install a new toilet.

on a deeper level...
i am currently reading a book by edward welch called, "when people are big and God is small"
it is major convicting to me, and i am being challenged by it so much...

if there are typos...disregard
its 2:20am

rest

i crave rest
yet, it seems so unattainable sometimes
here i am, near the end of the semester-only a few more projects to go
yet i do not look forward to when they are done
simply because when they are done
there is still so much more to do
my summer is full of
reading books
preparing for several leadership positions
all of which i feel the inadequacy of
all of which i am excited about
all of which seem overwhelming at the moment

so often i long for the moment when the "stressful" or "busy" part of life will be over
there is the false assumption of this rest
...when the semester is over
...when summer is over
...when i graduate
...if i can only accomplish this
...get this job to pay for school

then things will settle down.

however, i don't think life on this earth is supposed to be like that
where everything we have is to lead to a point where we can be comfortable
where life is easy
and everyone's happy

no, i think that the ground upon which i walk will be pounded down hard
the soles of my shoes will be tattered
i will look down at my faded jeans
my hands will be calloused and scarred

i hope that i will be empty of myself
that every drop of water
in the bucket i have been given
will be gone

i hope i will realize that rest had been found
though i am sure that this rest will not be found in my circumstances
a deeper rest
a rest that is from Above

and i think i will realize that the goal of this life was not a certain outcome...

it was the journey

a night in grant park

i didn't plan on going...a ten page paper and an eight page paper-both due monday. i am still getting over being sick...but last minute i decided to go
just for a little while
and ended up staying all night

it was the global night commute to raise awareness for the children in northern uganda who must commute into the cities every night for fear of abduction
the purpose of thier abduction: to fight in the Lord's Rebel Army

some stats

1.7 million displaced
20-50,000 children abducted
some as young as five
some told to kill thier families
all told not to cry or show emotion

it rained all night, and the little tarp that we had over our heads didn't do much to keep the rain out
we stayed up all night talking, hanging out with others who were there...almost 2,000 of us
prayed together
cheered together
and all of us wrote letters
to the president
to the state senators
and tomorrow-monday morning-all of those letter will be sent out
we are asking that northern uganda get humanitarian aid
we are asking that there are steps taken to end the war

worldwide there were over 50,000 people participating

one of the children was in chicago with us-a child from across the ocean who i'm sure was overwhelmed and amazed to see so many people coming together
he has had to commute-in fear for his life

we were soaked to the bone by morning, and it was rather cold
to end we had a group picture taken, and a crane was used for the video camera. we held signs that will later be used in the finished documentary...

www.invisiblechildren.com

where will you be tonight?

global night commute

in whatever circumstance

i went to starbucks tonight
working on a exegetical paper on a few verses in philippians
drinking my nice hot tea
wearing my nice comfy hoody
adding honey to my tea
laughing with friends

walking back to school
stopping at walgreens to buy chocolate

we walked through a park on the way back to school...how quickly what i have immersed myself in only moments before vanishes from my mind.

philippians 4
"being content in whatever circumstances"
i walk through the park
i am content
i have so much
more than i ever needed
i walk through the park and see
a
man sleeping on a bench
no blanket
just an old coat
worn jeans

i laugh with my friends
eating the chocolate covered almonds and caramels we have just bought
we stand and talk only a few feet away from the man

i glance over at the man on the bench
he is asleep
arms crossed to hold the warmth in
alone on the bench
alone in the park

i take a bag of chocolate covered peanuts over to the man
he doesn't stir
his breathing is heavy, consistent...
his shoes are neatly placed under the bench
clean, polished shoes
i set the bag of peanuts down by his shoes
as i reach down i am closer to him
and i feel as though in that moment i have tried to grasp what it means to love your neighbor
and this half-eaten bag of peanuts is my feeble attempt at something that i don't truely understand

i almost want him to wake up
to share so much more with him than a walgreens brand bag of candy
but i dread him awakening as well
because i would have to explain myself
it is easier to have less interaction
easier...but less rich
less deep

he continues to sleep
i pause as i leave, unsure if what i have just done is absurd or good or not likely to make a difference.
my friends and i walk back to school

i don't give the man on the bench a second thought
until now
i am the only one awake in my room
with heat in the dorm, my computer, a fridge of food
my comfy hoody
my warm bed

and tomorrow when i wake up
i will write a paper
on being content in whatever circumstances
"for i have learned in whatever situation i am to be content. i know how to be brought low, and i know how to abound. in any and every circumstance, i have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. i can do all things through him who strenghtens me..."

tomorrow i will write a paper...i will do word studies

and try to understand what it means to be content.

in whatever circumstance.

my favorite place in chicago

i have a new favorite study place that is not often frequented by "moodys"
it is unique, small, easy to pass on the street
french algerian combination
food
coffee
mediterranean
cilantro
tomatoes
basil
avocado
olive oil
crepes
tea
algerian rugs on the wall
pictures of france, the eiffel tower
grungy-but not in a bad way
earthy
inexpensive
decorative
reds, browns

betcha want to know where it is, don't you? i'll try to keep it little frequented by moody's, but if you ask, i just might tell you...

doors closing

i walk down chicago
get on the red line to go south...
sitting on the "el" across from a man
he looks tired
he looks hungry
he nods in and out, his head moving with the swaying of the train
i can't help looking at him, his baggy grungy clothes
but there is something more
i feel compassion
but i don't know how to do anything
say anything
as if i would break that sacred silence on the train
that silence that cries out to be broken
more and more people crowd in at each stop
but the only voice is that of the sound system
"thank you for riding the cta. doors closing"

the man is holding tightly to a plastic bag
he opens his eyes and i get a closer glimpse
bloodshot eyes
tired eyes
hopeless eyes
i avert my gaze, staring at the ad above him as if it is the most interesting thing i have read all day
each stop rotates people in
more get on the already crowded car
a few get off
and i sit in my seat
staring complacently above everyone's gaze
looking down at everyone's feet
and i feel the pressure of the silence
as i breath that same polluted air
and walk on those same polluted streets

...but i have hope

and yet i hold it so closely
so possessively
as if i had earned it
found it
or deserved it

i get up from my seat as the "el" arrives at my stop

"...doors closing"
that mechanical voice follows me as i walk past a car full of people

spontaneously predictable

so, i went home for easter-and it was so amazing...it had been several months since i had seen my family
it is amazing how much that small town doesn't really change
and yet, the most spontaneous things happen

spontaneously predictable

a friend and i arrived home late thursday night-and the major issue of the hour was:
who is going to drive who's car?
"mom has the truck"
"dad has my car...wait, i need my car"
"dad's car is at grandpa and grandmas"
"is it broken?"
"no"
"why is it there?"
"justin was working on his car, and had to borrow dad's car"
"but now, justin's car is fixed"
"what about the other truck?"
"eats gas"
so...like usual, after about an hour long discussion and every possible combination, our car shuffling came to an end and we all had vehicles in the morning...i don't know why it always is so hard...especially since it is 5 cars and 4 people...

the next morning it was time for the annual pilgrimage to the horse auction...my friend and i were awakened by what sounded like thousands of people in the downstairs of the house starting at 6am and going until about 7:30...
"WHO'S HERE??!?!?" shouted loudly from outside my door

"SHHHH MARY and HER FRIEND ARE SLEEPING!!!!" shouted equally as loudly from nearby...

items purchased at the auction:
a lamb
a horse

the next day we went horseback riding, through the vineyards...
it is a beautiful place

if your brother has a speck in his eye....

it was typical late night on the floor...or maybe it was atypical-because there were about 5 of us in the lounge letting our creative juices flow-inspired by one of my lovely roommates...who had an amazing idea for a drama. so, instead of doing homework(joni brought a book into the lounge to multi-task study and watch the drama: my response was, "why did you bring your book?") instead of doing homework we developed a drama, acted it out, and i even videotaped it so it can be used later. We finished around 1 am. i still had to read an article and write a short paper on it. As i was working, my other roommate came stumbing in from the other room. I didn't know what was wrong, other than that she was in great distress. I asked her if she was alright...a moan.
"mar, i have something in my eye..." ok..i swallowed and built up courage. For those of you who don't know, i am petrified of seeing people touch thier eyes. I can't stand watching people put contacts in...but for my roomie, i would try. she sat on the couch and held her eye open..
now, we have all experienced the occasional "speck in eye" but this was out of control.
do you know that feeling when something is in your eye and it won't come out, and it hurts like crazy, whether you blink, open your eye, close your eye...the pain is still there.

multiply that by 10...and you will get a picture of my roommate....now, you have to imagine me, petrified, dumping saline solution in her eye, it is around 2am, and neither of us function well when we are tired. so in the midst of this horrible dillema, we are laughing hysterically (if that is possible while you are crying from eye pain...)
i looked in her eye for a good 10 minutes.

nothing.

not even a little tiny indication of anything.

a ghost speck.

"are you lying?" (joking)

now, a battle like feeling came over me, and i knew that to ease my roommates suffering, we would have to locate this "speck." but i needed reinforcements.
unfortunately, even in a college dorm, it is pretty quiet at 2am...except for one girl who was sitting in the lounge.

reading.

her name: basma.

upon explaining the situation she immediately dropped what she was doing and came to the aid. i had acquired a flashlight, and basma held it while we looked again in my roommate's eye.

nothing.

not even a speck.

as i looked in her eye, it appeared as though it were inflamed. i began to think that our problem may be bigger...

it had now been almost an hour.

"i'm taking you to the ER" i said.

"no," she replied..."it feels fine now"
as she began wincing in pain again from head to toe...


we called her dad, got the insurance info, and were getting ready to leave when she looked at me, and appeared to be in less pain...
although, i did not know if i could believer her...i mean, who wants to go to the hospital at 3 am to get a speck out of thier eye? but i didn't know what else to do...
but maybe she was better....
nope...it began hurting again. as i was looking at her, i noticed a tiny glint that seemed abnormal in her eye

"don't move"

basma was immediately ready with the "speck extracter" aka toilet paper
and i held her eye open and....

got the speck out!!!!! it was sooooooooooooooooo small

in our joy we thought about framing it, although it is almost invisible to the naked eye...
good thing i have the eyes of an eagle..............

we went to sleep,

3:30...
and i definately slept through my 8:00
and 9:00....


if your roommate has a speck in her eye...believe her.

cameras, sand, ocean, and the body of Christ

a little more than 24 hours ago i was standing at the edge of the ocean in a non-touristy town, watching the sun rise and pour it's golden beams through the clouds. a few bahamian men from the town walked in the ankle deep water carrying long poles, searching for crabs or lobsters...
as we sat on the salty rocks near the water's edge, a few thoughts crossed my mind.

how amazing God's creation is-His faithfulness, creativity, beauty

what an awesome thing it is to be a part of the body of Christ...this trip to make a short film in the Bahamas with many of the people not knowing each other well, different personalities, ideas, communication styles, joining together on a project that i feel will not only be glorifying to God in the end project, but was also glorifying to Him in the process.

the last thing is that these last 10 days have sped by, while seeming like forever, and soon we would be returning to snow and a windy city, school, textbooks, papers, and exams.

it is so easy to forget reality on that island, the laid back nature of the people "take it easy mon"
no cell phones, email-just 21 people, a couple of cameras, lights, and a script-on a beautiful beach-in a concrete room, in a hotel room, in a camp, in a park...
time codes
audio log
holding lights
passing out water
the "clacker"...("scene 25, shot 4, take 1")
"boom's in the shot!"
"your shadow's in the shot"
iris down, iris down again...ummm...iris up two
"Quiet on on the set!....tape rolling....sound speeding...."
cut!"

"let's do it one more time..."


every morning we would spend time as a team in prayer, in the Word, and also being challenged in team building...

at night, when our shooting was over (sometimes not until 2 or 3 in the morning) we would come back to the camp where we stayed and watch rushes... and laugh really hard
we also had some good Bahamian food, a couple of us went to a Bahamian church,

and one day we went to an orphanage to play with the 60 or so children there...
it was a good orphanage, compared to some that i have seen, and the kids were so excited to see us...wearing our hats, sunglasses, taking pictures with my digital camera...duck duck goose, swings, spinning...2 hours was not enough time..

one girl named Lily i really connected with...10 years old
she asked me "are you coming back?" "no.." i said.
I asked her, "who is your best friend here?"
"you are, for now." she replied.
as we left, i leaned against a wall and fought tears...
i have seen orphans before, held them, played with them....

and i have finally cried.

it was so amazing to see the bahamas, not just as an island for tourists, but to experience the culture, see the people..
a group of rastafarians camped right down the road to where we stayed...
on the flip side, we also saw the immense gap between the rich and the poor/those escaping life for a few weeks, and others, like Lily, experiencing life in the midst of what is going on around them...
the bahamas is a place of many churches, and few authentic believers
it is a place that is beautiful no matter what time of day
morning, afternoon, evening
it is a beautiful culture and people, and i thank God for the workers that he has sent to that island...
what a privelage to share in that place
to make film
and to draw closer to God's heart

for more info on the actual filming, visit www.xanga.com/sandcastle06
it will hopefully be updated soon...

going to the bahamas

i'm going to the bahamas on monday...workin' hard in the sun...yeah, it's a rough life.

another link

sorry the previous link only worked for some...
this link will hopefully work for all, and it is definately worth seeing...

make sure you watch the video when you get to the sight

epic zoo adventure

click on this link to see where a few friends and i dared to embark on a cold, lazy (procrastinating) friday afternoon...

can someone tell me if this link works??

what to do when you don't know what to do

the last part of the week ended well, including amazing messages from andy stanley and charles swindoll, and also our own president dr. easely.
i had the chance to work all of the three cameras on the floor, including camera 1 which is used to project on two giant screens on stage-this way, people in the back are able to see who is speaking up close. it was a little intimidating, but so much fun to take directions in my headset and find interesting shots of the band as they played. the stool i was on was also a little rocky, and right in the middle aisle of moody church, in the middle right where everyone could see me...and i could envision myself falling off the stool, causing the camera to go crashing down on some poor unsuspecting moody alumnist...
thankfully it never happened.
and things went great
i learned a lot
had fun
and am amazed at God-where he has brought me-though the old struggles of fear and failure still creep up, it is such a joy to serve in this way, and bring the things that i love to do before Him as an act of worship

during the session that andy stanley spoke, i wasn't working on a camera, and was able to really absorb what he was saying. he spoke about the life of joseph-and the things he said struck a chord deep in my heart

live your life as one who is confident that God is with them...
i never want to look back on my life (probably a difficult time in my life) and wonder "man, what would have happened had i been confident that God was with me?"

I'll just put down a few of the notes that i took...hopefully they make sense
Gen 39
What to do when you don't know what to do
The Lord was with joseph...the text states this several times...after joseph is sold into slavery
and the Lord was with him

after he is falsley accused of rape
and the Lord was with him

after he is put into prison
the Lord was with him...

many times we view God's silence as meaning he is inactive, and joseph went through a lot-but God was with him, and joseph was part of God's plan leading all the way up to Christ. joseph died and never knew what God was fully up to...

Gen 41:6...pharoah (who is viewed as "god" by the egyptians...) has a dream and asks joseph to interpret it...joseph says that he cannot do it, but God can tell pharoah what the dream means
this shows a lot about joseph's perspective

-for one, joseph is acknowledging that it is God who works-and also, joseph is showing that he is confident that God is with him...and he is reliant on God
-not only that, but he is unafraid to proclaim who the True God is to the falsly viewed god phaoroah..

what will my response be? will i leverage God's gifts to me for my sake and glory or for His sake and His glory? how will i respond if i am confident in God? will i use my dysfunctions as an excuse to look away from Him? joseph was bold, weak, and willing to say and do whatever God had for him...

what to do when we don't know what to do...
what did joseph do?

he did what anyone would do if they were confident that God was with them

founder's week-
i walk down to moody church, arriving 45 minutes early each time. instead of sitting in the balcony or in the seats on the floor, i walk to a room that is next to backstage. the room i enter reminds me of those NASA scenes from apollo 13. people are buzzing around, checking mics, checking iris (light exposure) levels, headsets, a ready supply of chocolate (caramel, milk, crispy), peanuts, water and soda, breakfast pastries in the a.m., pizza in the p.m., computer monitors, tv monitors, powerpoint, cameras, tripods, fun, technical...yet strangely relaxed. mon night a friend and i were in charge of iris levels...and that segment will eventually be put on satellite tv, which we will appear in the credits...(which really isn't that big of a deal...but it is our first credited thing, so it makes me smile...) tonight i was able to work camera 3 from the balcony (which i previously had touched like one time for less than five minutes...) you learn as you go...and i guess spontaneouty (how do you spell that word???) is a big part.
i had so much fun, learned so much, and i guess it just adds affirmation that i am studying the right things, doing the right major...

i am currently reading genesis 22 where abraham is told to sacrifice isaac...as i was reading, i noticed how many times (13 times) the phrase, "his son," or "his only son" is used in the passage. throughout the journey to the mountain where the sacrifice will take place those words constantly remind

his son
his only son

and abraham had amazing faith

God had promised abraham a son...and he believed God...and it was credited to him as righteousness
then God tells him to take that son (that promise) and sacrifice him
so abraham took the three day journey...each step probably heavier than the first...his son carrying the wood on which he would be sacrificed
yet as they set out, abraham tells his servants who will remain behind
"WE will worship and then WE will return..."
isaac asks his father where the offering will come from
and abraham replies confidently that God would Himself provide the sacrifice

faith

knowing and believing the promises of God

being willing
trusting
surrendering

walking forward...sometimes crawling,
unfaltering
despite the unknown

to sacrifice those promises before God
knowing that HE WOULD PROVIDE

YAHWEH YIREH (the Lord will provide)

abraham binds isaac to the alter

he has the knife, poised to slaughter his son...his only son

But God intervened, he provided the sacrifice...a ram in the thicket...

the Lord will provide
His Son...His only Son

every gift that God gives...it is so we may give Him the glory...laying it before Him as an act of worship
surrender
faith

and it is only an act of His grace through which we accomplish this

it's only going to get busier...and that makes me happy

so...my weekend was super busy and super fun

friday afternoon i went to an unexplored (for me) part of the city and browsed in a used bookstore...could've bought a lot...didn't buy anything...

later, i went out to wheaton with some people to visit my friend bethanie in her new amazing apartment
artists had lived in it previously so the walls are vibrant yellow-blue swirly ceiling-swirly flowers in the hallway-tree scene in the hallway-relaxing

on saturday i attended my first gospel choir practice(i just joined this semester) and it was so much fun and i am so excited to be a part of that ministry.

saturday afternoon i worked on homework, went for a walk in the rain with a friend, and then went to a script reading for the bahamas film trip-and my schedule became even more packed...but that's ok-i am enjoying it

saturday i went to church at holy trinity in the a.m. and then to city church in the afternoon. lecrae and another christian rap artist were there doing special music-some of those lyrics almost moved me to tears they are so powerful

after that, i went up to devon street with some more friends to hang out at another friends apartment (you following the connections?...) and ate chicken byrani, fried sugar stuff that i don't remember what it is called, and naan...we tried to play cranium but like usual everyone got distracted and no one won...

my schedule is packed with babysitting, teaching drawing/art on occasion, working on a video for class, starting to get more involved with the bahamas video...there are a few days that we shoot in chicago, pcm, homework, homework, reading, and some more reading...
i quit my job at the baby furniture store so that frees up some time...but mostly just saturdays...kind of.

well...i have an 8:00 in the morning...which means a 6:30 rise time...which means i need to go to bed right now.

stories from Africa

my friend bethany just returned from Africa last week. yesterday she made me some tea that she had brought back and i heard some of her stories.
stories of airports and delayed flights
of eating the most common dish-dough made of flour and water
of beautiful people
amazing stories of God's grace
holding orphans
praying together in spite of culture, ethnicity, language
serving
crafts and VBS
showing children what stickers are for the first time
meeting her sponsored child

hearing more about the vision called mavuno village.
check it out here.

may we never be calloused.

it has been a while since i updated, so i will just give a few snapshots...

back in chicago
classes...rescheduling classes
waking up at 6 am
not going to bed after 11pm!!!!! yeah!!!!
random 50 degree day
walk in the park and then along lake michigan
followed by normal cold, snowy, windy day
reading tons of stuff that makes me think a lot
krystle doing my hair two days in a row (yesterday's was emmy worthy...so she said...today's is more casual 'dance' worthy...sophisticated she might say)
going to work
angry customer
police being called in to escort angry customer out
angry customer leaving without police assistance because issue was resolved...barely
eating cookies from christmas...yeah, the frosting was a little hard

being broken and challenged already...learning that i have so much to learn...
trust
freedom
boldness
faith
courage
strength
honesty
...relying on Him.