50 years ago african americans had separate drinking fountains and the back seat in the bus.

this week an african american man became president of the united states.

no matter who i voted for
or who you voted for
or what your stance is

that is pretty awesome.

watch this. don't forget.

i do not have faith in humanity. i have even less faith in politicians.

this isn't about who i think people should or should not vote for. this is about what i think our perspective needs to be when looking at politics. [this is not about my view of obama. this is about how i have seen people view obama (esp. in chicago)].

watch this video

i am ready for this election to be over. i realize that this video was not made by obama or his campaign. but i think it is very telling of the perspective of the masses in america.

first of all:
i get the impression that people are feeling oppressed.
they want change.
they want a "savior" from something.

so what is it that they are looking for salvation from?
yes. there are of course areas where the government and the way that it is run can be changed. there are major flaws. corruption. waste. i have spent time in the urban poor and rural poor communities. i am not saying everything is as it should be. far from it.

but i have also spent time in places where there is no water.
no electricity. no educational opportunities at all. i have sat in an understaffed orphanage, pulled a rusty thumbtack out of a little girl's mouth, and wondered if i was the only person to hold her...really hold her...that day.
there are other places i have not been, where children are brainwashed to be soldiers to survive.
there are places where women are forced by their families into prostitution to appease the gods.
where there is no food.
where governments kill those who do not hold to a certain religion.
where children scrounge in the garbage dump every day, not just some of the children, but all of the children in the entire community.
places where candidates do not care one bit to serve their people...and they don't even try or pretend to care.

i am tired of americans acting as if we have no rights, as if we have no opportunities, as if we are "hopeless."

why can't we just have a normal election?

secondly:

i believe that we are constantly aching for eternity. for that ideal world. for perfection. and that will not be achieved by any politician, nor by any government.
we want to ascribe hope to the tangible. to that which is immediate.
but this world is tainted. it is fallen. humanity cannot fully redeem it.
and while we struggle and work to "make this world a better place" let us not get caught up in the lie that we will be fulfilled this side of eternity.
i voted. i have my opinions. but i am not afraid if "the other guy" wins. to be honest, i won't even be that upset. because my hope is not in the person that i cast my ballot for.

perspective.

feed the birds.

she does exist.
i saw her a couple of days ago at the park.
but she wasn't what i expected.
black jacket with red accents.
black skirt. stockings.
clean polished shoes.
classy.
refined.
eccentric.
knitted tan beret on her well-kept short gray hair.
red flowers on her hat.
perfectly matched.
white fluffy dog.
red leash.
a bag of bread she pulled out of her purse.
and i watched as she went up to a tree with an unusual low hanging branch.
a branch with shelves.
a branch that knows her well, that has maybe known her for years and years.
and she broke of chunks of bread while her little dog watched, carefully and deliberately placed the bread on the crevices of the overhanging branch and said sweetly:

"dinnertime."

a few more pieces of bread.

"dinnertime!"

and first a few, then several small and kind birds flew to the branch from the surrounding trees where I am sure they often come to wait for their supper.

trees and chaff

darkness. it seems so suffocating. impossible to penetrate with light, let alone destroy it. it is so rooted in everything...strangling and entwining so many things, even the beautiful are tainted.

even the good most often comes with the bad.
and it is unbreakable.
and goodness seems to be the one under water
frantically kicking, scrambling, gasping for breath
about to be engulfed and killed by evil.

and i believe this lie.

because i have put permanence on the temporary
and given weight to the opacity of now

"for the wicked are like chaff" will blow away
the deeds of darkness unsustainable
unremembered
in the white hot light of Goodness, of Truth, of Judgment and Grace

the righteous trees are planted by the River of Life
roots immersed in rich, cool water
true substance. fruitful.

and through this eternal lens i am reminded that while even the smallest light can extinguish and disrupt a world of dark,
the greatest darkness can never extinguish even a spark.

3 days. 40 hours of driving. So worth it.

myself and three friends piled into a crv at 3 am friday morning. our destination: houston, tx. we started out strong, with a slight detour into duncan donuts to grab some coffee. after some inquisitive looks from the workers, and equipped with coffee and muffin in hand, we started out strong again.

things i learned on the way down.
1. there is absolutely nothing in oklahoma
2. i need to update my music collection. (i was the only one who brought music, and since i haven't bought anything in years and years we were forced to listen to music that was popular 10 years ago. however, the blast from the past kept the morale up).
3. gas is way cheaper in the middle of nowhere where stations are few and far between. gas is more expensive in the big cities where there are stations everywhere...does this seem backwards?
4. always road trip with cool people (which we did) our trip was full of silliness and depthful conversations.
5. beware of pranks your friends may pull on you when you are in the gas station bathroom. (they put a life size cardboard cut out of a nascar man right outside the door).
the wedding was in houston on saturday, so on friday we stopped in dallas for the night. my friend's friend's parents live there in an awesome house (we had our own showers in our rooms, and they fed us wonderful food). also, we were spoiled by being able to use their hot tub and pool after a long day of driving.
we awoke the next morning, and another friend met up with us in dallas to ride with us to houston

4 hours later
we quickly change into our dresses, and watch beautiful loren get married.
unfortunately, we got the giggle in the middle of the vows, but were able to keep it together until the end of the ceremony.
the wedding was beautiful and tasteful, and it was strange to see so many moodies there so far away from chicago.

we got back to dallas at 4 am on sunday (barely awake, near car accident with a drunk driver) and left at 10 am to get back to chicago.

things i learned on the way back
1. what the restaurant "sonic" is. i had never heard of it. am i the only one?
2. it is fun to listen to celtic music at sunset
3. you can reprank your friends with the same prank they did to you at the same gas station bathroom.
4. you cannot purchase life size card board cut outs of nascar drivers at gas stations. (i asked if we could buy it, unfortunately there will be an auction that we will miss...nascar man will go to the highest bidder...sad i won't be there).
5. i spent less than $100 to go to texas for the week-end with some of my favorite people in the world.

deeply

it is impossible to believe how quickly this summer has gone by...
and now-as fall approaches-the usual associations keep drifting into my mind
my favorite season
of new beginnings
but this time around-it will be different.
no longer is my life scheduled by classes, no need to buy a brand new package of my favorite note-taking pens, notebooks, syllabuses

moving into my dorm, buying text books
replaced by the job search
paying off debt
reading whatever book i want in the local coffee shop
waiting for...?

a time of transition?

life is transition

so-i strive to

live the life that unfolds before me
to love goodness more than i fear evil

to breath deeply
drink deeply
hurt deeply
love deeply

to follow Him closely

to keep playing my guitar for strangers
to have conversations of Truth in the local bar or coffee shop
constantly aware

always searching
finding
struggling
seeking

worshiping.

a random glimpse of random things

i wake up in the morning in my apartment on bosworth,
sunlight through the big tree outside creates dancing patterns that
take over the old wood floor, gently waking me from sleep as it spills onto my face
the sounds of the city are muffled on this side street

i stumble around unpacked boxes, find the coffee
as it brews i breathe in deeply
journal, pen, Bible on lap-reminded of the power of the gospel
i am older, but still so young...so much to learn
facing the world in new light-having learned so much
living in light of what i've learned

i pick up the red-eye on my way to work
waiting for the el
working on the crossword puzzle with 10 others in my same car
i transfer from the brown line to the red line
commuter
i feel i have entered this adult world of working and coffee and newspapers

but i feel more imaginative than ever
and i still can't help walking down the streets
past old chicago houses
stone lion statues at the front doors
and imagining that they will come to life at any moment and walk down the sidewalk with me

or that the black squirrel outside my window in the tree might at any moment start speaking to me
and i never want to stop absorbing
or drinking in
or remembering

i store memories like dandelion wine in the cellar
finding beauty in the mundane
and adventure in the drudgery

...i babysit for a family in the city-last time i watched the kids they locked me in the (playground tower) until i told them were the treasure was. i told them i wouldn't tell them until they brought me the purple flower from the highest mountain (around the side of the house)
they brought it back-demanding i tell them where the treasure is.
i told them i tricked them-and that the flower gave me magical powers that made me fly...
but then i told them the treasure would be waiting for them in the kitchen...b/c the doorbell rang and the pad-thai had arrived.

israel...the "long condensed unfinished, more to come later" verision

how do i describe that which was beautiful, fear inducing, oppressive, and enticing all at the same time?
i awake in the morning with a burden on my heart...praying for the peace of that place...yes an external peace, but even more so-one that is found within.

the trip was so much more than a study tour...but how do i describe something to you that pierced the very core of my being? i feel as though a piece of me was taken and now resides there...and i don't think i will be able to shake this feeling.

walking down jerusalem streets
incense
dreadlocks
side-curls
falafel
wailing wall
call to prayer
head scarves
prayers of the faithful and the mistaken
tension
idolotrous religiosity
gold painted relics
longing for peace
hungry for Truth
empty
searching
crying
bitter
angry
skeptical because of history
tradition without reason
mountains
desert
salt sea
galilee
wilderness

journal excerpts:
i am sitting by the sea of galilee. i am surrounded by water and mountains. it is amazing to be in this place. this place would have been beautiful either way, but the significance of this place-how it was so central to Jesus' ministry...so many times Jesus and his disciples crossed over this sea. so many times Jesus showed his power and authority at this sea. the disciples driven by fear. Jesus, constantly pointing them to faith. the storms. calming the sea, walking on water, feeding the crowds with loaves and fish. i so often wonder how the disciples could still doubt after all they had seen. how crippling that doubt was. Jesus, in patience and compassion, showing them, reminding them.

this is the first place where they were really filled with great fear and awe. they began to recognize him as more than just a man who would do great things.

yet...i myself am full of doubt and selfish fear. despite what i have seen Him do in my life. i am the same as the disciples. i don't have much faith. i am skeptical. oh, Jesus, help my unbelief. You have done so much more than walk on water. carry me, because i am weak. i forget Your great power...the power of the Gospel.

Jerusalem: the center of the world...of so much conflict, tension, significance.

driving through this city. tons of people. the ultra orthadox, the average, hasidic sects...eavesdropping on bar-mitzvah plans of a family at the museum today, the call to prayer sounding over mosques, synagogues, and tourist traps. learning the history of the jewish people. seeing the fulfillments of prophecy as they return to this land.

this city, where blood and sweat, the great conversations and speeches, one of the most talked about places, tonight i walked down the streets eating mint ice cream, bartering with shop owners, drinking in the culture of a thousand cultures and of one foundational tradition.

western wall: i am at the western wall. millions of paper shoved into cracks on the wall. the wailing wall has been the point of so much contention. women kissing rock. as they sway, adding more force to their prayers, trying to be near the holy place. they wait for messiah. the long for peace...i hear the call to prayer in the distance. on the walk here, and even now i smell incense, as i walk on this jerusalem stone, walked on by so many people, trickling with blood of so many battles, the fear of so many things, of suicide bombs, of terrorists, a people returned to their land, but blind to their messiah. as weeds and roots grow out of the cracks of the dry western wall..God, please breath life back to this land...

substance

i cling to that which is dead.

my roots are not tied to rich earth
but to sun-bleached sand.

i cling to myself.
to my world.
to my expressions and fears.
i don't need HIM enough.

i try to find meaning in nothingness.
value in surface.
energy wasted.

rain falls
sand is washed away as quickly as the coming of the tide

i cling to emptiness.
i thought i was holding on to substance

deceived.

but now i am stripped of all
wallowing in the mud

and it usually takes spit and mud
before sight is restored

...YOU never stop holding me