rest

i crave rest
yet, it seems so unattainable sometimes
here i am, near the end of the semester-only a few more projects to go
yet i do not look forward to when they are done
simply because when they are done
there is still so much more to do
my summer is full of
reading books
preparing for several leadership positions
all of which i feel the inadequacy of
all of which i am excited about
all of which seem overwhelming at the moment

so often i long for the moment when the "stressful" or "busy" part of life will be over
there is the false assumption of this rest
...when the semester is over
...when summer is over
...when i graduate
...if i can only accomplish this
...get this job to pay for school

then things will settle down.

however, i don't think life on this earth is supposed to be like that
where everything we have is to lead to a point where we can be comfortable
where life is easy
and everyone's happy

no, i think that the ground upon which i walk will be pounded down hard
the soles of my shoes will be tattered
i will look down at my faded jeans
my hands will be calloused and scarred

i hope that i will be empty of myself
that every drop of water
in the bucket i have been given
will be gone

i hope i will realize that rest had been found
though i am sure that this rest will not be found in my circumstances
a deeper rest
a rest that is from Above

and i think i will realize that the goal of this life was not a certain outcome...

it was the journey