the toilet keeps leaking...

it is 2am and i am still awake.
don't get me wrong.
i would love to be asleep
but dad and i are in the process of putting in a new toilet
how then, do you ask, am i typing on my blog?
because i am the designated water turner onner, shutter offer
yup
and because it is 2am and others are sleeping
there can be no yelling
so that means this is what happnes:
dad tells me to turn the water on
i run down from the second floor
through the living room, dining room, and kitchen
down the basement stairs
around the corner
and turn on the water valve
i then run up the basement stairs
through the kitchen, dinign room, and living room
up the stairs to the second floor
and see if i need to run back down and turn the water off (dad is usually found holding towel and buckets underneath leak, so i have to run back down to turn the water off so the whole room is not flooded...)
now, i have done this probably 7 or 8 times by now
and because it is 2am my coordination is a little off
so it is becoming a little more challenging
i never thought putting a toilet in would be so difficult

it all started when my brother and i decided to redo the bathroom
and the toilet kept leaking
and then i was dowstairs earlier today
and heard water running upstairs...
but no one was upstairs
so i ran up and the holdind tank had randomly cracked adn water was going everywhere

that is why i am up at 2am "helping" install a new toilet.

on a deeper level...
i am currently reading a book by edward welch called, "when people are big and God is small"
it is major convicting to me, and i am being challenged by it so much...

if there are typos...disregard
its 2:20am

rest

i crave rest
yet, it seems so unattainable sometimes
here i am, near the end of the semester-only a few more projects to go
yet i do not look forward to when they are done
simply because when they are done
there is still so much more to do
my summer is full of
reading books
preparing for several leadership positions
all of which i feel the inadequacy of
all of which i am excited about
all of which seem overwhelming at the moment

so often i long for the moment when the "stressful" or "busy" part of life will be over
there is the false assumption of this rest
...when the semester is over
...when summer is over
...when i graduate
...if i can only accomplish this
...get this job to pay for school

then things will settle down.

however, i don't think life on this earth is supposed to be like that
where everything we have is to lead to a point where we can be comfortable
where life is easy
and everyone's happy

no, i think that the ground upon which i walk will be pounded down hard
the soles of my shoes will be tattered
i will look down at my faded jeans
my hands will be calloused and scarred

i hope that i will be empty of myself
that every drop of water
in the bucket i have been given
will be gone

i hope i will realize that rest had been found
though i am sure that this rest will not be found in my circumstances
a deeper rest
a rest that is from Above

and i think i will realize that the goal of this life was not a certain outcome...

it was the journey